Tuesday, April 17, 2007


Okay, so before I started this blog (which was a week ago) I was sending my friends an email, once a month, to talk about current stuff. Nothing crazy, and not too often. So I figured, I'll email a link to my new blog so my friends can read it if they want!
So I get this email from Golda, in Seattle, who kindly sent my class free dreidels for our Hannukah celebration. I open it, and it says, "Please, please, Remove me from your list."

Hmmm. Please, please, Remove me from your list. Golda, who once wrote to me that she had always wanted a pen pal. Confusing. I write back to her.
"Golda, I'm so sorry If I've offended you in any way. Thanks so much for the dreidels again, and I will take you off my list. Again, I'm sorry." blah, blah, blah, you know.
Why did her short email bruise me so? And why does the very name Golda make my skin crawl now? Because I thought she was my friend.
Why? Did her sending me dreidels make her my friend? What makes someone a friend? Who is your friend? Did you say the lady that rings up your steamed dumplings at the chinese take out? Just because you recognize someone, it doesn't make them your friend. I happen to know that lady at the dumpling place doesn't understand what the f*** you're saying. (Ouch! I'm sorry for that. I'll be a good girl tomarrow!)
You could dig up Elvis, and set him down at the head of your dinner table, and that still won't make him your friend. You know his name? You know his music? You may (or not?) be able to recognize him. But he's not your friend either.
And celebrities would not make good friends anyhow.

So you all can quit it with the "celebrity worship because you think they are your friend" thing. And I'll give up on the "Golda is my friend because she sent us free dreidels and wanted to be my penpal" thing too. Or perhaps the "Golda would've been a cool jewish grandmother!" thing.
And had I not previously emptied my bowels, I would do so, and name it Golda today. (Maybe I'll eat some corn later so Golda will have eyes for tomarrow.)

Because she hurt my feelings. And that's not nice :(

But you are still my friends, oops! friend. Um...Well, maybe not really, considering a complete stranger can read this? I should remember you can attract more flies with honey than with vinegar. Thank God I'm married! obviously I'm not too into flies?

What else? We borrowed this steam cleaner to clean the furniture, and Steven completely soaked the loveseat down. But first, he filled the machine with Bissell cleaner...sprayed the entire thing, then read the directions. Turns out, we were supposed to dilute the solution 1 part bissell to 2 parts tap water. And the loveseat is sticky. Get too close and it burns your eyes!
So today, I've been spraying it down with water and sucking up all the bubbles back into the machine.

I think my energy is a little toxic today. Nothing a little Ben & Jerry's Dublin Mudslide can't fix. Til then, take care!

ps. Wayne Dyer is about to tour! (If you don't know Wayne, check him out!)

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