Sunday, August 23, 2009

Home Again

I'm home!

Can't say I'll be extremely productive, as I have a gimpy eye for a while, and typing with one eye is currently challenging. Seems they cut certain muscles in your face when you have brain surgery, and these include muscles that connect to your jaw and make chewing and yawning painful, and muscles to the eye on that side that make your eyelid funny and the eye is in a painful mode right now, but in another month I've been told it'll all be normal again.

The hair surprisingly doesn't bother me in the least. My mother tells me the scar is a 9" question mark across the top of my head. Funny. If anyone were to have a question mark carved into their scull, it figures it would be me. It's okay.

Today I get to shower.
For the first time.
Since I left. I have been able to sit in a shower chair a couple times and clean myself, but the idea of running water on my head wasn't possible until today. Friday they pulled the staples out of my head. I brought a sandwich bag as I felt it was necessary to keep them.

I'm eager to be myself again. I'm eager to shop, and drive, and paint. I'm eager to put my makeup on though my husband tells me I don't need it. Considering I cannot leave the house for another month, I guess I won't stress about the makeup too much. I'm not able to read at the moment, but my mother has been humouring me, reading David Sedaris books to me outloud in her perfect for books on tape French accent. Everyone should be so lucky. It's especially funny when she reads words like 'fucking', it makes me happy to hear my mother read this out loud, and my husband even snuck in and sat listening, commenting how funny it was that she read those words out loud. She tells him she can't leave any words out.
This is how precious mon mere is.
I hope that I'll be talking about something else soon, trust that I'm as eager to get over this consuming mess as anyone. I can walk myself to the bathroom. I had to get to this point, as there was a time people were holding bendy straws to my face and feeding my with spoons. I've made lots of progress. I can open both my eyes, but one gives me vertigo.
Sleeping is strange as I cannot turn over on that side. The nurse told me it was fine to wear a scarf in the event that I would be out in public and may shock people. I never considered the other people as far as this matter; I don't care much if I shock someone. My husband tells me that's a benefit of having a giant scar on your head. He's funny. I think soon I may have to paint a self portrait with my question mark head. I was painting a geisha before I went to the hospital.
I don't talk about the painting too much, as I am not the most confident in that area...but I enjoy it and will come back with crazy vigor when I can see.
I'm okay. & I'm getting better everyday. Thanks for stopping in :)

Thursday, August 6, 2009

so I'm off

One thing I noticed about hospital parking decks,
the rear view mirrors full of raggedy stuffed animals.
Car after car of them.
& sick people.
& today before I leave I resent both the sick people
and the rearview mirrors with their tigers
and kittens and doggy plushies.

I feel a wave of hostility and I cannot explain why.
& I cannot imagine 5 days in a hospital.
How am I gonna crap when I'm not in the comfort of my own
sweet john?
I'll be so stopped up. Stopped up, stapled. bald.

Steven says going in the hospital is just like having the girls.
"sure, I say, but without the baby."
I have to leave now.

The baby brings me her pink elephant plushie
& I'm taking it with me, loved & holey, ketchup stained.
But that doesn't make me the rear window lady.

I have to go now.

Stay Salty, Stay Funky. (that's the Kettle Chip logo, but I likes!)

Monday, August 3, 2009

Full Moon

Hello, people!
I'm having a wee bit of brain surgery Thursday, August 6th. Full Moon.
I came to write my passwords down in case I don't remember them.
I think the other night I heard deer hooves on the driveway.
Nasty flower eating creatures.
I couldn't sleep, I just sat up waiting to hear them again, or maybe just trying to see if that's the thing I was actually hearing.
I'm feeling really sad.
I'll be home next week but not home online, just home.

Wish my awful week away. Wish me to blink and be here again, recovered.
And if you've stopped in by accidentally Googling Brain Aneurysms or brain surgery,
feel free to comment with any questions you may have.
By then I may have some answers.
It'll pass.

We ate out food Steven brought home. I got a Dr. Pepper, a fountain Dr. Pepper. It's been years since I'd had one. "How come you get a drink?" The wee one asks.
"I have Princess powers this week. All week." The looming cranial cracking grants me wishes, red shimmery Dorothy slippers that come with a heavy price.
but There's no place like home.
I discover that I don't really like Dr Pepper anymore.
& I bought some banana republic jeans for $9.99.
much love, yt