Friday, April 24, 2009

Let's Thank the Aliens for the Banana

"The aliens brought the bananas. They brought several foods, I believe corn as well. But definitely bananas."

My mother is an expert on many things. 'Aliens' is one of the many. I grew up with the aliens for as long as I can remember; my mother read the book Aliens Among Us and was forever changed. Inside the book, a list of questions to help you find out if you are, in fact, an alien.
My mother could answer every question alien-positive.
Do you have extra ribs? Why yes, my mother does have extra ribs. (oddly, this is true.)
Does your body temperature average lower than normal? Yes again! My mothers body temperature runs 97. The questions went on and my mothers clarity came to being.
For those of you (the 99%) who are unfamiliar with the book, basically it is talking about your soul, not your physical being. My mother didn't land here, she believes she incarnated here in a human body from another planet to gather information. My oldest brother believes this too, often in a drunken stupor hearing the spaceships coming to retrieve him.
This explains why I've never been a fan of Star Trek.

Anyway, the aliens do have interplanetary meetings, and we are in the meetings as well, but our representative meets with the group through astral projection. (Okay, stay with me- I'm just explaining the belief system that goes along with this...)
Because doesn't everyone Astral Project? I'm being funny. Sort of?

There have definitely been times when I had difficulty with some of the things my mother said or did. Like the time we went into the Indian Herb shop, owned by a real Indian Chief, Chief Lone Eagle, headdress and all. However it ended up, they got into a discussion on Native American Indians. (My mother happens to be an expert on this topic.)
"You don't know what the Indians went through!" says Chief Lone Eagle.
"Oh, I do know what the Indians went through! I was Chief Joseph of the Nez Perce Indians in my last life!" (I can still hear her, indignant with her French pronounciation of the Nez Perce, 'Nay Persay.' As well as child of Alien, add child of Chief Joseph to my list. At 13, I was embarrassed. Doesn't everything embarass you when you're 13?)
My mother plucking dandelions fron the tiny eight feet of grass space in front of the mega apartment complex we lived in. "What are you doing Denise?" "I'm making salad!" she'd reply happily. I'd worry if some sort of dog may have peed there. And I'd No Thank You the salad.
I learned things like 'fairies are real' and 'Albert Einstein is a walk-in here on Earth, and he waterskis' (Surely you don't want me to explain walk-in...) When I wanted to wear saris or sequins, I became a 'Princess from India in my past life.' I never looked at plants the same again after my introduction of Linda Goodman's chapter on plant studies, the picture of a tomato passing out before being dropped in a blender too vivid for my child mind.
But I also learned things that stayed with me, like the white light prayer, and the idea of having a spirit guide. I learned the omnipresence of God, one that devoured every religion into itself. I grew up unable to judge anyone by a belief system, they were all acceptable, and just neccesary steps in the the individuals process. The God my mother taught me created all the religions, as well as the tiny things like spring leaves. (And the aliens too. LOL.)
I was taught the idea of being my own judge in the afterlife, and looking back at some regret or cruelty (what judge could be harsher?)... it may make me more careful in my choices.

I learned openmindedness. spirituality. acceptance. I learned to take what I need from the things I heard, and make light of things that didn't apply to me. (I guess I won't be invited to the next Alien Summit?) Not everyones truth is the same truth. As not all of my mother's truth is mine. My mother taught me all this, and she did it all with a stunning French accent, often while drinking wine with the gay waiters she worked with, me delighted with my own cherry filled Shirley Temples.
Quirky mother, quirky me? Ha! It explains alot.

So I was not slightly surprised when my mother informed me last month the aliens brought the bananas to help us survive. Old hat now.

Are you still here?
To change the subject, my left knee is hurting today. Hopefully from running with the incline too high on the treadmill. But, I found a tick on me the other day, so tiny I thought it was a mole, and stuck there like one. I pulled it off and ran to my husband with the thing. He wouldn't take it, and it started crawling. I started screaming bloody murder, crazy screams, and my husbands eyes grew wide and strange at my screaming, my crazy insane tick-on-my-hand screams. So the hypochondriac in me says my knee ache is most definitely Lyme Desease, but the sane wee voice says treadmill.
(I can hear you now, kind reader, mentally saying I'm seriously screwed up!)

Perhaps I'm sharing too much. I think I'm going to go hard boil some eggs.
Have a cool day!

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