Monday, February 23, 2009

The Cat from Hell. then some other stuff.

I have a cat.
You know, the funny thing is, I was angry at the cat this morning, and drove the kids to school, the whole time, thinking, I'm going to blog about how stupid my cat is. But then, you check your email, pick up in the house, and you briefly forget what got you so hot headed. Doncha?
No, only slightly.
I have a cat. I have this black persian cat, well, not black through and through- there is a charcoalish black band around her neck. (Argh, I think if you want to get technical she's something called a black colorpoint persian- which means she had a himalayan parent, so she's black and blacker.) Halle Berry, and she's horrible.
Ms Halle is many things. She's a pooper. She poops right outside her litter box, clean or not. I think she does this out of anger. The litter box is in the basement, but she's got a little door inside the door to come in the house. She almost always stays in the basement though...because,
she's a scaredy cat. Yes, scared of noises. Scared of cars pulling into the driveway. People knocking at the door. She's one of the animals that lurks under things, behind things, and if you come over, you won't see her. You'll never see her, because the basement isn't a good enough hiding place when we have company. She has to go into the basement, then back behind the dryer. She'll stay there until you leave.
Hair. As beautiful as you may think a persian or himalayan cat is, let me implore you- they have some hair issues. Actually, that brings me back to 'She Almost always stays in the basement' -
at night she comes out, and I know this because there are black hairs on the white chair.
My husband is barely allowed on the white chair, and the kids? No way. And I'm looking at my white chair thinking I have to buy one of those sticky lint remover things, and wanting to rattle the cats little neck. This is the least of the hair issues- the basement is now black and fuzzy.
As bad as she is, sometimes I let the kids catch her and dress her up, and I think it's sweet. My girls sticking her in a little doll dress with a lace collar, holding her, saying things like, "Her da little bebe!" Giving her bear hugs, I can see her eyes glance sideways at me, sometimes hear her low indignant warnings. I wink back.
Why do I stay in such an abusive relationship? I know a pet is not a disposable thing to toss if you get exhausted of your duties. I'm bound to this animal for the life of her, though she brings me no joy. Okay, you could count the times her food bowl empties, she does rub across my leg; but once it's full, she eats, hops on a high shelf and I see only her eyes glowing orange from backs of boxes.
I believe the cat will move outside in the spring, perhaps I'll buy her a little dog house and put it on the front porch. I think watching birds may loosen her up a bit. I've tried to set her outside before and she scratched like a mad woman at the door, catter-wailing 'Let Me In, you hear?!'
(I can hear you animal cruelty folks now. Three years from now you may stumble across this insignificant blog. Don't email me about it.)
Okay, I think I got my venting out of the way.
Moving on!
Steven put a spoonful of Turmeric in his eggs this morning.
I discovered something brilliant at the grocery store, Kettle Thai chips. And I don't even eat chips. Ever. But I'm a Thai junkie, and seeing the word Thai, they sucked me in, and last night we were eating chips. Oh Lord, you must buy a bag. It's quite a joy. Although not a healthy joy, and it probably means extra time on the mill for me to make up for it, so I won't buy them unless its some sort of party or dinner from now on. But you, you probably buy chips, so go ahead and buy them and enjoy.
While you're buying that, look up the Adventures of Mark & Ollie on the Travel channel. There is no greater use of TV time than this. Just buy the box sets- starting with Living with the Kombai (two British guys trying to fit into indigenous tribes. Penis gourds, anyone? LOL.) Living with the Mek comes next (More penis gourds- ha ha ha ha ha...) and now, living with the Machigenga (alas, no penis gourds. But hallucinogenic shaman potions and only got to episode two!) I have been long hooked. But of course, I love seeing people eat grubs and learning about people untethered by the modern world at the same time. There isn't a finer hour of cable out there- I promise. If you watch this show, please comment. I'd love to know if anybody else is watching this stuff. It's completely awesome.
Probably even better with some Thai chips. One further? Someone you love and a snuggly blanket.
I'd better go. I hope you have a great day~ Breathe! ;)

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