Thursday, July 9, 2009

I'm not really in a letter writing mood so much.
I initially thought I'd quit blogging until fall, then resume my blog when I felt better. But then, probably from googling brain aneurysms and surgery so much, I figured I'd document some of the little events that led up to my lovely summer of brain funk & maybe it will help somebody, or even guide someone through what they may themselves experience when diagnosed with a brain aneurysm.
It started when I got a severe allergic reaction. Which led to all sorts of other things, including severe headaches. My doc decided we should get an MRI. The MRI is not so scarey, just expensive as hell. And the MRI man tells me I have terrible nonexistant veins, so he stuck me twice in the first arm, then when he started sticking the second arm, I was slightly nervous. But it's okay.
Initially, they said they thought I had a congenital AVM, which is a abnormal vein you are born with. Another MRI & MRA later, they called my husband and told him i had an unruptured brain aneurysm. My uncle died at 44 in his sleep from a brain aneurysm. My aunt died from a brain aneurysm as well. Two of my mothers siblings. It makes me worry for my mother a bit.
Our neurosurgeon happens to be Dr. Barrow at Emory, and I feel like he's a good choice. I hope he's a Jew, you know your good and safe with a Jew. But who knows. (I'm just being silly...that's the Kat Lee in me coming out. "Look for a good Jew name!" I tell my husband. "Like what?" "You know, something that ends in Man or Berg or has Stein in it..." Barrow doesn't sound Jewish, but his first name is Daniel. So it's a toss up.)

The neurosurgeon tells me my syptoms are completely unrelated.
It's just an extra little thing to work out.
They don't actually cut your brain, they go in between the left and right brain somehow.
That is comforting, I think.
Atlanta traffic is a nightmare.
Steven's trying to work his way in, and he's partly in and a suburban rushes past, doesn't let him thru. He yells Cocksucker, rolls the window down, and he spat on the car. I'm looking at him like he's crazy. Who is this man? It's his birthday. :)
He comes to sit down on the sofa when we're home. I'd put my lawn chair under the giant oak, the one with all the moss, and I sat there the other day, half napping. I left my chair under the oak, and his was still on the patio.
"I moved my chair," he tells me. "It looked lonely and I don't like your chair being so far from mine." He'd gone out and dragged his chair across the field. Every day should be his birthday.
He needs my keys to turn the airbag on. I can't find them.
"Look at my purse!"
"What?" he says. The giant orange bottles are taking up too much space.
"It looks terrible! I don't want to be one of those ladies with pill bottles filling their purses..." and I gripe and complain until I'm not anymore.
I try to blog, then give up. I then reread my little letter and wonder where the symmetry went. My flounce. My swagger. (That makes me laugh! I keep hearing that term, & was just waiting for a chance to use it...though I'm not exactly full of literary swagger.) Where was I? I just ran downstairs to hit the timer on dinner, talked to my friend, took a valium, and now I'm back.
No fussing with me about the valium, people. I firmly believe that valium helps me with the whole little 'aneurysm thing'. Though I don't take them everyday, only on days where I have to talk about it. If your doctor calls you and say that you have a brain aneurysm, go on and request your valium then. Preferably the 10's. I have 5's currently, and only take them when I'm forced to talk about it or get too curious and google brain surgery.
(Could be how you got here...Don't Google. It'll only make you feel bad. Look up something completely separate from your issue...Like new tile flooring or Googling will only make you cry.)

Talking about it is much harder than having the damn thing. It's like having a giant freaking mole on your forehead, it doesn't get away from you, but you surely don't want to have to talk about it. And it can start with your mother or sister knowing, or one friend. Then, you're getting calls from your sisters ex-husband and old neighbors, and they want to know how your doing. Which is nice. But mostly, you don't want to talk about it. You want to talk about Michael Jackson and if it'll rain and the stupid but out of the blue status reports on Facebook. You want to talk about stuff other than it.
But today, I guess I thought I'd talk about it. Get it out in the open.
I'm so happy I found it.
I'm so lucky too. I know. Happy & lucky. :). But a wee stressed.

My friend told me on the phone she'd shave her head when they shaved mine.
"What? They don't do that, do they?"
(That was the trigger that led to me taking the above valium...) I am not yet sure about the head shaving thing, but I will keep you informed.
Next Tuesday, I go for the next test, where they run dye into the artery near my groin, into my brain, and it gives them a 3-D scan. One doctor called this a Angiogram, another a Cerebral Arteriogram. While not interesting, I'll probably blog next week about that, because Googling it made me feel slightly ill, and I had hoped I could read someone's simplified version of what it's actually like. I'm hoping it's no big deal. Also, I'm hoping they drug me heavily.
They said my aneurysm surgery could be done as early as the following week after that.
I would kind of like to take the kids to see the new Harry Potter first. I've read about people not remembering things, not being able to spell afterwards...I figure I'll blog and we can see how it turns out.
I'd like to focus on Fun soon. Some sort of vacation maybe. Steven says I can pick where we go, which is cool. He wants water; I'm not so much into water, & prefer Historic things, like the Parthenon, but cheaper. A nice Euro garden, which my kids would not be thrilled with.
Maybe Barbados. I hear there are monkeys there. Who doesn't love monkeys? We save our change in a big water bottle. It won't get us the parthenon, but I'll be happy with a monkey or two!
My Ravi Shankar ringtone is playing but I don't recognise the number. I don't answer.
More later. Kat :)

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